- “I think the point people are trying to make is the media is responsible for JoePa going down.” — Penn State freshman on why it was totally okay to overturn a news broadcast truck. DOUCHENOZZLE POINTS (from 1-10): 9.
- “We got rowdy, and we got maced. But make no mistake, the board started this riot by firing our coach. They tarnished a legend.” 19-year-old Penn Stater, who apparently fails to realize that covering up criminal sexual activity is actually what tarnishes a legend. DOUCHENOZZLE POINTS: 10.
- “It’s not fair. The board is an embarrassment to our school and a disservice to the student population.” — 20-year-old Penn Stater, who is apparently not embarrassed that an assistant coach on his school’s football team raped young boys. DOUCHENOZZLE POINTS: 11.
- “This definitely looks bad for our school. I’m sure JoePa wouldn’t want this, but this is just an uproar now, we’re finding a way to express our anger.” — Freshman Penn Stater, who is good at stating the obvious and being contradictory all at once. DOUCHENOZZLE POINTS: 12.
- “Of course we’re going to riot. What do they expect when they tell us at 10 o’clock that they fired our football coach?” — 24-year-old Penn Stater, who probably didn’t riot when he found out Joe Paterno’s lieutenant raped little boys. DOUCHENOZZLE POINTS: 15.
- “My friends were like, ‘I don’t want to get maced.’ I was like, ‘I don’t want to miss seeing this, so I guess that means I do kind of want to get maced.’” — Freshman Penn Stater, who I hope was maced. DOUCHENOZZLE POINTS: 8.
Oh wow, Penn State students are even DUMBER than Hofstra students!
